I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
