There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
