omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
