this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
