A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Green mimosas i think yes
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Randomize
