You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
