WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
