mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
