that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Randomize
