We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
high people should be assigned attendants
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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