i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
