i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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