Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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