i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
