so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
