don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Randomize
