It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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