I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Randomize
