trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
