So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
