took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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