I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
