There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
