so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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