Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
