does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
