She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
