Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
