woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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