WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
