sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
