those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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