She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Just invented taco cereal.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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