is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
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