Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
