I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
