He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
