i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
