so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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