her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
