Your dad touched me again.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
