mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
it's like heaven, but drunker
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
We just shotgunned beers for America
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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