I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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