and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
zippers are such a cool invention
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Randomize
