Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
