So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
