why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
