She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
