:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
