Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
