I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
