so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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