Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize
