I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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