one two three fourrrrnication!
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
